May 7, 2015

On Babies



Woah. This post is way out in left field for me, but it's been a while since I've made myself a little vulnerable on my blog. It's good for the soul.


...

When you turn 30 and have a wedding band on your left finger, it's inevitable that people start to ask "So, when are you guys having kids?". This especially becomes a normal topic of discussion after your friends start having kids (and every single one of mine have). I have never been the type of person to get offended by this question (unless someone keeps asking). I feel like yes, it's a very personal question to ask, but I feel like the questioner always has great intentions, at least in my cases. My thoughts could change down the road, but for now, I think it's pretty sweet that people care.

To be honest though, I never know how to answer this. That's the trickier part for me.

When I turned 29, I felt like time was going way way too fast. That same year, my doctor handed me a flyer about the dangers of waiting too long to have kids, which I quickly threw away after my visit. Come on. I am no where near 35 and for that matter, women have kids well into their late 30's and early 40's. I was in denial that this would need to happen sooner rather than later and I was scared to death.

While we both know for certain that we want kids someday (ever the planners, we even started a 529 college savings plan for the future tyke), the baby fever that everyone seems to get at this age in life ebbs and flows for me...drastically.

I'll see a sweet little toddler with tiny Converse sneakers and my heart will explode and five seconds later she's either puking or throwing an epic tantrum and I've suddenly sworn off kids forever. Then, I'll share the sweetest little moments with my friend's children or dream about new holiday traditions I cannot wait to do with my own children and I'm back to pinning cute nurseries.

One particular area of hesitation for us is travel.

We feel like during this point of our lives, we finally have the ability to travel and there are so many places in the world that we haven't seen and are dying to go to. Places that probably aren't the most family-friendly...you know, like backpacking Machu Picchu or road tripping through Canada. So that holds us back. Should it? Should kids be more important? Once we have kids will we not even care about Peru anymore?

We just got back from a trip to Europe. We spent seven carefree days exploring The Netherlands and had an amazing time. On our 10.5 hour flight from Dublin to San Francisco, we sat behind a couple with a two year old little girl. My first thought was "I don't know even know how I am going to get get through this long flight, how in the world is this toddler going to deal?" The parents stayed calm through out the epic tantrums, the screaming, the thrashing (she was a strong little bugger), the throwing of the Ipad (five times). They were chill when the husband lost the wife's debit card and had all of us looking through and under our seats with flashlights. They kept their cool, worked as a team, and when we finally landed, they turned to us and said, "We are so sorry and hope she didn't ruin your flight." I actually wanted to hug them. Here they were, taking their child to Ireland, not letting the fact that they have a strong-willed toddler stop them. They showed me that yes, it will be HARD, but it will also be possible.

And that's what I really needed to witness.

This doesn't mean that we'll take our future toddlers on international flights and throw them in a backpack to hike 10 miles, but it does mean that the option is there should we choose to do so. And that for me is enough reassurance.

I'm well enough aware that not only would a child disrupt our plans to travel (travel might be the least of our worries when we have a baby as it probably should be), but life in general is going to get complicated and messy, though I hear it's pretty darn great, too.

I know my feelings around this topic are normal (I'd hope so), and I have no doubt that our that our insecurities involved with having a baby will dissipate and will be replaced with hope and excitement about expanding our family. Maybe that will be sooner, maybe it will be later. Hopefully one day I'll just wake up and know that it's the right time. If only life could be that simple, huh?




2 comments:

  1. TOTALLY NORMAL. All your fears are my fears, and hello I'm 25 weeks pregnant! So, yeah. Jordan would have been happy having kids as soon as we got married, and he's basically been waiting for me to get in the spirit of things. I finally told him that even though I am 100% I want kids--plural kids, like, 3 or 4--I wasn't sure if I would ever be READY to have kids, so we should just do it. That wasn't the enthusiastic response he was looking for, but I think for some people who like independence and doing things, there won't ever be a right time. And yes, we are already saving up for a trip to Europe in the fall 2016, and at least at this point we aren't planning on taking Baby Bum. My parents took us on so many trips, and I have so many memories of traveling with my family. Babies don't stop you from traveling; they just make it harder sometimes :) At least that's what I've been telling myself.

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  2. Oh man I can't believe you were handed a freaking flyer! My Gyno had babies in her 40s so I think I'm safe not being pressured there!

    I totally agree about those personal questions coming from a good place, even if it does get annoying at times. People just want to know about your life and that's a good thing! The only thing that bugs me is when I get the marriage question with a follow up of, "have you and Dave talked about it?" Yes. We have talked once or twice in the last SEVEN years about getting married haha.

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